December Twelve

Double Jeopardy...

My daughter might just be the future Alex Trebeck. She’s super into quizzes. She started doing quizzes in magazines like National Geographic Kids to find out what kind of animal she would be. Her results are confidential to protect her privacy, but I’ll divulge to you (and only you, gregorific fans) that I’m a bear. I think Grizzly. I wish Spirit. 

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​Then my girl branched out and took some (parent approved) online quizzes. The National Geographic website has a bevy of awesome quizzes. She was so jazzed to take them all, and maybe even more jazzed to be the quiz administrator for the rest of the family. I learned a lot about myself.
I’m a flute. I’m a mud monster. I’m half in Gryffindor, half in Ravenclaw. I’m The Hulk.  

Then, she started making up her own quizzes. Her quizzes offer both insight into her mind but also into how she views the test taker. I’ll leave that tangent for her to blog about.  

It’s an interesting phase. I enjoy the chance to reflect. But, when it’s 9:30 pm and she’s asking me if I’d rather be in the woods with a friend during a thunder storm or in a cabin alone during a thunder storm, I have to accuse her of stalling. Come the next morning, I am all about explaining why I’d chose the cabin. Over a cup of hot coffee (Ovaltine for her), I’m ready to chat.  

My reasons for picking the cabin:
a. I’m all good alone.
b. I’d worry about a friend.
c. I think there’s less chance of lightning strike, hypothermia, and exposure inside.
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Caveat: I’m essentially saving said hypothetical friend by answering this way. You’re welcome.

As usual, my daughter does not say if there is a right answer to the question. Just nods thoughtfully and asks me another. Or ties her shoes and goes off to school. I’m thinking she’s going to be a psychiatrist or a criminal mastermind or a creator of algorithms for dating sites. Maybe a politician whisperer. Or she’ll write the next Myers-Briggs test and people will spend decades self-analyzing themselves with random letters. Or else they’ll re take the test over and over to ‘be who they want’ and beat the system. Which just wedges you further into the ENTJ pigeonhole. What, you didn’t do that?

For a while her favorite ice breaker was the classic question: flight or invisibility? I think that one reveals if you are good or evil.

Tonight she asked me: If you could be a 911 worker, which would you be?
a. Police
b. Firewoman
c. Medical
I picked a.

Another: Would you rather break this 2 liter bottle of soda over your friend’s head or drink it all in twenty seconds? That one was edgy, huh. 

She has inspired me to create my own quiz. It’s a parenting quiz. You find out what kind of parent you are. It’ll be a smash hit because we all have a weak spot right where our parenting confidence is located. Like when someone squints at you funny when you buy your kid a candy bar in the grocery store line. It hits that spot and you just know they are judging you. 

So here is my quiz. I’m still fine tuning the algorithm that analyzes the answers but I almost have it perfect. Take it if you dare…

1. Your kid notices orange flecks on your sheets and asks what it is…do you:                      
           a. Admit you were eating Doritos straight from the bag while reading a romance last night?
           b. Make up a story about fire ant poop?
           c. Complain about husband’s spectrally challenged dandruff?
           d. Sit on the flecks and pick that moment to tell your kid about the birds and the bees- thereby                   erasing all curiosity about anything else for a good six to seven months.

2. Your kid asks if you’ve ever been arrested:
           a. You joke, "Only for indecent awesomeness."
           b. You launch into an explanation of how the legal system is inherently flawed.
           c. You make up a crazy story to prove how much you’ve changed and reformed.
           d. You pull up your mug shots as visual aids.

3. Feeding baby in park. Spoon drops onto the sidewalk.
           a. Look around. No one saw. Pick it up and continue.
           b. Lick it "clean" and continue.
           c. Stop feeding baby and let the wails draw every eye for a quarter mile.
           d. Scoop food out with your finger and feed that way, never mind the bites. 

4. Car music:
           a. Your station?
           b. Classical even though you hate it?
           c. Wheels on the bus baby CD?
           d. NPR even though you hate it?
           e. Silence so you can hear yourself think for one #$% minute of the day.

5. Learning to ride a bike. Your kid is about to crash. You:
           a. Scream.
           b. Pull out phone and call the hospital which is on speed dial.
           c. Run at breakneck speed so at least you will have tried.
           d. Close eyes.

6. Daughter wants Uggs:
           a. Tell her to get a job.
           b. Show her the documentary to save money.
           c. Show her the documentary to educate her.
           d. Buy the boots, they’re warm.
           e. Say no, they’re too ugly. "Buy better taste in boots."

7. You look amazing in a Facebook pic but your kid looks, well, so so:
           a. Post it.
           b. Nope.

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Review your answers. Double check!
Did you:

1. Go with your gut.
2. Listen to your heart.
3. Follow your instincts.

Below is the answer key. The key to having all the answers. Wait for it…….

If you answered a., b., c., d., or e. to any of these questions, then you are the type of parent who:

​Does their best.

The key to interpreting these results: Keep doing your best.  

Keep it real,
~gregorific