November Thirty

IDEAS FOR TWEETS

Instead of me dieting, can you just learn to find my binge eating sexy? #TwentyPoundsGiveOrTake #What’sFiftyPoundsAmongstFriends?

Sure, I love your haircut. Can you put this hat on? #PutTheClippersDown #KnowWhenToStop

I just had a bad break up with the internet. I want my tweets back. And my updates. And pixel out my face in all those tumbler pics. #NeverLikedHimAnyway #BreakingUpIsHardToDo 

What font says, ‘Playful but not flighty'? #ComicSansMe #SeriousIsBoring

Said to the kids, ‘Can you solutionize this playroom before dinner?’ #NewWordsOldMeanings #StillDidn’tWork

Your blog post should feel like cool sheets on a hot day. #KissMyGrits #HowAboutAColdSlapOnASouthernCheek

My heart is telling me to leave the dishes until morning. #ListenToYourHeart

My stomach is telling me I shouldn’t have eaten the whole sleeve of Thin Mints. #IListenedToMyHeart

Don’t put the political sign in your yard if you don’t want my poop on your sign. #FreeCountry   

Not all of us can be born this way. Lady GaGa, be more selective. #OllyOllyOllyAlexandro

Four out of five moms get pissed off at the fifth mom who can look sexy running a marathon, breastfeeding, and vacuuming- all in the same day. #Doesn’tExist

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