September Five

Ideas for Tweets 
{This post has been rated PG-13 by the classification and rating gregorifistration.} 

Marriage Tip: Bacon. #ObviousWayToMansHeart

I’m out shopping in case anybody wants to leave inspirational messages for me on voicemail. #NeedyistheNewBlack

Oh good. It’s fantasy football season again. My fantasy. Of football. You really nailed it this time. #KeepTrying

Can’t you be more like I pretend you are? #DoItNow

I just want what every woman wants- everything…NOW. #MyWayIsBetter

I just want what every man wants- to be left alone until it’s sex time. #SexTimeIsAllTheTime

This wonderful stranger keeps emailing me and asking to be my F buddy. How generous and kind! Yet, I only need a buddy to help with housekeeping and editing. I’m starting to think I should just click the link and…#OhMyGAWD

Dog Owner Tip: Bacon. #Obvious

I’m not home. Just so you know. I am very busy. And important. You couldn’t reach me even if you were trying all day. #HidingNearPhone

Marriage Tip: Don’t do it. #WomanlyWisdom

Parenting Tip While Eating Brunch Out: Bacon. #EndlessAmountsNeeded

My laundry is really bugging me today. Just won’t quit. #ComeHereAndDoItForME

It should be required to actually LAUGH out LOUD whenever you type LOL. Cuz I see a lot of people texting, and a lot of “LOL” in posts, comments, and texts. But I don’ t hear any laughter. #INeedToGetOutMore

Friendship Tip: Bacon helps you listen better. #ButNotLiveLonger

Why am I jealous of my dog when I’m picking up his poo with a plastic bag over my hand? #WhoOwnsWho?

School seems so much more useful now that I don’t have to go. #MyKidsDo

Life Tip: There ain’t nothin’ a plateful of bacon won’t help. #ExceptObesity 

To me, the above picture is the epitome of hilarity. 
Enjoy.
~gregorific

Here's a quote. You'll roll your eyes. But then you'll sit there lost in unexpected revelation.
I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?
Andy Warhol